the day after is always just damage control
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
