can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
