my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
