8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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