Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
