Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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