Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
