I just pynch a tree in the face
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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