I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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