I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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