I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
