walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
