Christians are straight up FREAKS
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
