Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
