i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
