dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
