You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
