i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize