I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
