I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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