Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
