UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
