I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
