please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
