had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
