can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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