with your own penis?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
