After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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