none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
