i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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