There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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