dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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