for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
