I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
