So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
