you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
