My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
