I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
