U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize