perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
