She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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