it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
