Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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