It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize