fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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