you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
