so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
