I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
