he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
