I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize