I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We left the knife in your bed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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