he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
