ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
