No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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