i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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