I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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