At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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