He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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