so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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