Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
