dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize