Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
