It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
