Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
