Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Please don't give away my fajitas
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
