Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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