just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
