What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
