I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
