Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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