you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
