Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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