Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
