dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
