The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
