if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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