i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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