first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
