I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
