I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
