Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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