i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
