Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize