I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
