well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
