i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
