I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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