We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
